a series of firsts
by Missus Carlikins
Summary: You only get one chance at a first kiss, unless you're Cana. Then you get three. [Lucana]


**warnings for this part:** _substance abuse/alcohol abuse_

When Cana first kissed Lucy she was drunk.

Gildarts had left for another job, without a word to anyone, or even a goodbye to his daughter. Cana was used to it, but something about this time was harder. The house— _his_ house—was too empty, too quiet. She could hear every breath of air through an open window, and every creak as the boards settled for the night.

Every noise was just a reminder of how alone she was.

So she did what she did every time she wanted to stop thinking.

She drank.

She started in the house, but Gildarts had a fondness for scotch that Cana did not share, and soon she found herself wandering the streets. She bounced from bar to bar, drinking more than she paid for until her words slurred together and the earth spun.

She danced in the street, singing songs that only she could hear. Some people laughed, others asked if she needed help, and a few even danced along with her.

When she stumbled through the doors of Fairy Tail, she was _sure_ she'd never felt this happy before.

"Hello Mira!" she called as she stumbled into a table. She laughed, righting herself and knocking a stool over at the same time. "You're looking lovely tonight!"

Cana pretended she couldn't see the frown drawing the corners of Mira's lips down, or the furrow that only ever seemed to appear between her eyes when she worried. Mira had nothing to be upset about.

Cana was fine.

She flopped more than sat in one of the stools by the bar, arms stretching across the scratched and singed wood. Fingers fluttered over the back of her hand and she lifted her head just enough to flash a smile in Mira's direction.

"'m fine," she mumbled, dropping her cheek back to the wood. It was grainy and cool and not the most comfortable pillow, but she wasn't in the mood to move it.

That was the problem with sitting.

Once your ass was down it wasn't getting back up.

She was vaguely aware of Mira talking to her, a cool glass of liquid being pushed into her hand and encouragements to take small sips. She must've ended up dozing at some point in time because she knows for a fact that teleportation was not one of Lucy's powers. Which meant she _hadn't_ just appeared in the time it took Cana to blink.

"You're pretty wasted." Lucy's voice was like a low hum, vibrating every bone and stripping the fatigue away.

"Lucy!" She half sang it, lifting her arms from the bar just to throw them around Lucy. She squeezed her tight, ignoring the way her ear seemed to be resting just above Lucy's heart. For a few breaths they stayed light that, arms tight around each other and breaths mingling in the air.

"You need to head home and start sleeping this off."

Like that, all the warmth and goodness seeing Lucy brought was gone. Sucked away by the hole that was her home.

"Gildarts is gone," she said, not trusting herself to say anything else. She forced a smile to her lips, taking another sip of the drink Mira had given her. "Besides there are couches in the library calling my name."

She pushed herself to her feet, gripping the edge of the bar as she regained her balance. "Now if you'll excuse me." She turned to go, but a hand gripping her wrist stopped her.

"You'll come home with me," Lucy said, fingers flexing ever so slightly. "It's been awhile since we've had a sleepover, and I—I'll just feel better knowing you're not alone."

"Hey, I wouldn't be alone here. Mira's always here!" She knew there wasn't any argument in her words, but she didn't care. She didn't know why, but she knew it'd be bad if she just gave in to Lucy without a fight. Even one as pathetic as this.

"Mira's not your babysitter."

Cana frowned, but Lucy was right. Mira wasn't a babysitter, she probably wanted to be at home more than Cana _didn't_. Her frown deepened when she realized Lucy had begun to pull her away from the bar. Yet instead of planting her feet and struggling like she knew she _should_ do, she let herself be swept down the familiar streets.

She could probably walk to Lucy's place drunk _and_ blindfolded if she had to, but she didn't mind Lucy's guiding hand.

Almost too quickly they were at her apartment.

Her shoes came off at the entrance and she let Lucy help her out of her coat, wanting nothing more than to drop to the couch and sleep. But she waited in the entryway as Lucy got the couch ready for sleeping.

"You know, you don't have to stand there," Lucy called from the bedroom. Cana shifted forward slightly, peering through the door to see her grab a pile of blankets from a chest. Why did she need so many?

"I know." She ran a hand through her hair, flashing a smile at Lucy as she came into the room. The blankets spilled from her arms and onto the couch, and Cana longed to follow them. "But I'm still a bit drunk and everything takes far longer than it should. I've been trying to get my leg to move for like five minutes now."

"We've only been here for two."

"Exactly."

Lucy chuckled, shaking her head and motioning Cana closer. "Move that body or I'll move it for you."

Cana couldn't ignore the warmth that flashed through her stomach and spread through her bones at those words. She wasn't sure she even wanted to.

"Hmm, well if those are my options ..."

"Haha, come here."

Cana moved, knowing that she was playing with fire. Lucy might not even realize she was flirting. Or maybe she did know she was flirting but it was just casual flirting. Cana could do casual flirting, she did it with everyone.

But Lucy wasn't just anyone.

They got the couch turned into a bed with minimal flailing on both parts, and Lucy ordered her to stay as she vanished into the bedroom. She didn't have to wait long, Lucy returning in record time with pajamas folded neatly in her arms this time.

"These should fit you, they might be a bit tight though. Sorry, it was the best I could do."

"No need to apologize," Cana said, flashing a bright grin as she accepted the flannel pile. "Not everyone can be as blessed in the ass department as me."

Lucy chuckled and Cana was struck by just how beautiful she was. The lighting was dim, casting shadows over her cheeks, and making her brown eyes darker, allowing only the barest flecks of gold to shine through.

"Wow," Cana breathed, unable to help herself.

"What?" Lucy brushed some hair behind her ear, fingers lingering for a moment too long. Her eyes were downcast, lashes almost hiding them from view, and her lips shown with the ghost of a smile.

Cana wanted to kiss her.

She didn't think, didn't even realize she was moving until her fingers were sliding through silken hair and curling around a slender neck. Their mouths met with a clank, teeth bumping together as Cana tried to figure out how best to turn her head. Normally she didn't have any problem with this.

Hell, she'd been told by a few that her kissing was her best skill.

Yet when it mattered, when she _had to_ impress, it failed her.

Maybe if she just kept trying it would come to her, and she would leave Lucy breathless with shining eyes and rosy cheeks. And maybe, just maybe, Lucy would kiss her back, soft lips warm and firm against hers.

But when the nose almost poked out her eye, she knew it was time to call it quits. She pulled back, taking a step away, and then another. Her fingers twisted together and she stared at the crumpled heap that had been the pajamas.

"I'm sorry," she said, because what else does someone say when they've ruined what was possibly the best relationship they've ever had. "I'm drunk."

She wasn't even that drunk anymore, and it wasn't just a drunken mistake. She didn't want Lucy to think of it that way, to think of _her_ that way.

She force a smile and dropped to the ground to pick up the pajamas, using the moment to collect herself. She could always go back to Fairy Tail if Lucy kicked her out.

"Hey." Fingers slid through her hair, freezing her in place, and then Lucy was kneeling in front of her. She had no choice but to stare into those warm eyes, and Lucy smiled. "Get some sleep okay? I'll be sure to make you a great hangover breakfast. Full of starches. I hope you like toast."

Cana laughed, clapping a hand over her mouth in surprise. It was the last thing she'd expected to come out of her mouth, yet all it had taken was a few words and her worry was gone. Lucy didn't hate her.

Lucy's fingers lingered on her cheeks for a moment too long, leaving a trail of cold fire in the wake. Then she was rising to her feet and Cana was doing the same. Things weren't awkward, but they weren't quite the same either.

There was something in the air between them, a spark that hadn't been there before.

Or maybe Cana was just thinking too far into things.

Yet she couldn't help thinking as she drifted to sleep, surrounded by the very scent of Lucy, that perhaps it was the spark of possibility.


End file.
